Weary

So I have to be quite honest in saying that being a stay at home mom sometimes is extremely trying. I adore my children and they are so precious. I am so thankful to actually have the option of staying home with them. Lately I have been kind of running out of new and fun things for them to do when we are say, outside in the backyard, that they start to get on each other's nerves. Like Sunday when we had a few friends over, and Adi decided to munch Wyatt's fingers so hard, that my friend Julie had to pull his fingers from her mouth. I am sometimes at a loss at how to deal with these situations with poise, because seriously, do you pick up the screaming in pain kid first? or do you deal with the naughtiness of the naughty one? (FYI-did the latter of the two, shook my finger in her face hollered a bit and then tossed her in the crib for time out). Thankfully Julie was there, because she comforted Wyatt. It is just for me, that sometimes having children that are only 18 months apart in age, can be really trying. Today Wyatt wanted "upppy upppy" and so did she... Oh my gosh, so what do I do? Sit 'em both on the couch while I sit in the middle of them. I mean I try and handle it like it is no big deal, but it is something that I get anxious over sometimes. Today has been one of those days where the crying and whining seemed to never end, and bedtime was too far out of sight in my opinion. I feel like such a bad person saying these types of things, but I am just overwhelmed at the moment actually. I need to find peace and rest in the midst of dealing with every day things. I haven't been allowing myself that much peace or rest lately. I have been kind of thinking of the fruits of the spirit lately. They are love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Sadly some days, I feel as if I posses none of these fruits. I know that the Lord enables me to have them, but some days, I just feel void of all of them, but love. I know that the Lord says that love is the most important one, but other than that, why do I feel as if I can't grasp any of the fruits? I want some fruit. Even some fruit juice, but sometimes, I feel like there is nothin'. I am pretty sure I am exaggerating w/o meaning to, because I know that I have joy in my heart, and I can be kind, and good, and faithful, gentle, and have control of myself, but ggeeezzz lately, I feel like I only have a couple at a time. Anyhow, I just feel like my job was hard today. So tired, and ready for bed, so instead of making myself do my usual stuff, like reading the Bible and journaling, I am counting my reading from this morning as enough for the day, and my journaling as what I have just typed here. I am going to watch one show that I enjoy on television, and go to bed (after brushing, flossing and washing my face) and pray that the Lord shows me how to really put into work those fruits that he has instilled in me, but that I obviously don't have the self control to work on...
Lord, show me your way. Not mine. I want to posses your fruits that you have given me. Please Lord, tomorrow let me be patient, gentle and kind. I am working on those right now, but know they mean nothing w/o your help. The one who gave them to me. Thank you Jesus,
Amen!
I am so tired. Peace