Breastfeeding vs. Bottle

I have been dealing again with the issue of breastfeeding vs. not... it is such a frustrating issue for me, it makes me want to cry! I quit for about 2 days, and then felt guilty, and so back to square one. Not sure why this happens. Probably because I prayed the one day when Ada refused her formula that the Lord show me what He wants me to do with it, and the next day she REALLY refused her formula. Like stuck her tongue between her little gums and wouldn't take it. Hot or not. Oh dear. So I basically resolved from that, that I would have to continue breastfeeding for another like 6 months or whatever it was at that point. So I kept getting fed up with it. I mean it isn't that horrible, I just don't like it now, she is getting bigger and can pull blankets off of us and whatnot so it turned from being very convenient to being very inconvenient. Oh dear, so there I was again playing chemist and trying to find something that she would drink other then breastmilk. Then Voila! She took normal (not soy) Similac Advanced! It has been great! She loves it, so I slowly started giving her more and more of it, and in the midst of her being sick, I found that it was easier for her to drink from the bottle then to nurse w/ her stuffiness. Anyhow, finding that more of a plus, I decided to give her just formula. Well this was 2 days ago where she went to formula. This morning I woke up and my chest was sore, which is to be expected, but I didn't think it would last for 2 days, well with that being the case, plus the other positive aspects of breastfeeding that I have been mulling over in my mind lately (money---HUGE saver, huge, and not using extra water for formula--go green! and so on and so on), the pro's again seem to outweigh the cons... God? Are you saying something? Hello? OH GEEEEEEEZ. So anyhow, I am now pumping again to reestablish that milk supply, and since I have a formula she likes, whatever, I guess I figure there is no other way to deal with this then to maybe feed her a little bit of both! I mean seriously, she doesn't take that much bottle during the day and stuff anyhow, so what's the harm in mixin it half and half? And then if I am back to pumping... ugh whatever. I am so done w/ worriying about it seriously. It is such a stressor for me right now. Has been for quite awhile. I feel pressure from people to go one way or another, and then not sure how I actually feel, so I guess it is a win/win if I just split it and do both! So when I am out to the mall or shopping and she needs a bottle, I can mix the powdery stuff... It is nice to not have to really freak about that aspect of it anymore. I hate playing chemist and buying different flavors to have her completely reject it!
So yeah, hopefully you were up for reading about breastfeeding/bottle feeding today! That is what has been on my heart. I am just wanting to do what is best for the baby, but also what is best for me!

Wyatt is feeling better today, thanks for the prayer, he has some green boogs, but he is doing well! No fever!
Adalai is wonderful

Update on Natalie: She is moved to a normal room now, out of the ICU, they had to put a chest tube in her today (she already had one in one side) to remove some blood that was going into her lung. She actually may also need an operation from a blood clot that they have detected, so please pray for that. Also pray for Mary and Ethan. Pray please that they can work out the child care situation for Ethan too...

Peace